Prom is approaching, which means we’re entering the season of sharpied signs and awkward hallway confessions. When everyone is pairing up, it’s easy to feel left out. Luckily, there are plenty of nearly-guaranteed methods to land a date. Please note, while some of the
advice is genuine, this article is intended as satire.
1. Keep it cool. A key element to a killer promposal is playing hard-to-get. You cannot seem desperate. Make sure your person of interest knows that if they refuse, you still have plenty of alternatives up your sleeve. This strategy also helps to maintain your ego in face of rejection. For promposals with written components, I recommend misspelling the name of your intended date. This gives the impression that while you care a little, you certainly don’t care enough to stalk their social media account. Note: to avoid seeming like an idiot, this strategy does not apply to common names such as Max or Julia.
2. Surprise! When you catch a potential date off guard, they are more likely to say yes before thinking through the potential social ramifications of going to prom with you. To preserve the element of surprise, I recommend dropping the question at the most unexpected times. Many memorable promposals are given during tensely emotional moments, such as after a test, following a sports game, or even during other promposals.
3. Stay Smart. There is nothing more attractive than intelligence. If you have yet to show off your Powerschool grades to your person of interest (or if your grades are nothing to brag about because your teachers don’t like you), incorporate your smarts into your promposal. Whether it be busting out your Fe Man T-shirt or correcting your prospective date’s grammer, let them know that they should be honored to listen to your non-stop witty remarks on prom night. Consider expanding your vocabulary through the misuse of old English. Instead of, “Will you go to the prom with me?” try “Shalt thou accompany me to the prom dance this coming Saturday?”
4. Know Your Audience. Food is a great (and classic) way to incentivize a potential date–whether chocolates, candies, or Trader Joe’s frozen miniature corn dogs from the bottom shelf of your mom’s refrigerator. Unfortunately, many lovebugs are plagued by dietary restrictions such as nut allergies and veganism. So if you’re bringing along a snack, it is good to check whether your person of interest is able to indulge. Say you’ve already cooked up a nice, juicy steak to ask out your unnamed love interest. But what if they are vegetarian? Consider wafting the elegent aroma of your scrumptious steak over to where they sit! If they smile, now you have got the green light!If they pinch their nose, don’t take offense, just change your strategy. Maybe even swallow the entire steak whole, dislocating your jaw like a snake to immediately eliminate the odor.
Love is very tricky business. When it comes to promposals, nobody has all of the answers–not even me, the author of the article. But there are some tips to help increase your romantic yield rate. Hey, since you only live once, if you’re debating whether or not to ask out that special someone, you may as well go for it.
