From ages four to about eleven, the easiest place to make friends is on the playground. After simply inviting someone to play tag, you’ve got a best friend for at least the next few hours. No stress, no judgment, just fun. Unfortunately, high school is a little more complicated than that. Firstly, there’s no playground. Secondly, there’s a whole lot of stress and a whole lot of judgment. As we get older, playground friendships become difficult to maintain. Suddenly the monkey bars are gone and replaced by developing opinions, fast-spreading gossip, and full schedules. The ease of climbing on the jungle gym is replaced by the pressure to strive academically, fit in, and know exactly what you plan to do in the future. Amidst the chaos of growing up, friendships as genuine as those formed on the playground can be hard to find and easy to lose, but, nevertheless, are always worth it.
It’s no secret that with friendship comes conflict, especially as our lives begin to stray away from the simplicity of childhood. We go from fighting over the last swing to fighting over relationships, politics, and our personal lives. It’s easy to fixate on conflicts that seem like the biggest deal in your social world. For the majority of high school, I made the mistake of getting caught up in an inane “rivalry” with someone I never even bothered to get to know. We subtly competed within our extracurriculars and, unrealistically, for admittance into the same college. Looking back, I can’t remember what caused this conflict or when it started. But I know that after graduation I will remember our talks in French class this year that led to an unexpected bond. Within the span of a few months during our senior year, she became a trusted friend of mine with whom I’ve come to count on for support and advice. Had we spent a little more time talking and less time rolling our eyes at each other, I would have found a true friend far sooner. When navigating the complexities of friendship and conflict, I implore you not to shy away from unexpected bonds like this and remember the importance of working past differences to find genuine connections.
Finding new friends has been one of my favorite parts of high school. Reconnecting with old ones has been the other. However, losing touch with childhood friends has become a bit of a common practice and unfortunately, it’s hard to stay in contact with everyone. I moved away from my best friend from preschool and although in the first few years after the move there were occasional visits, we’ve lost touch completely. I have no idea what’s going on in the lives of my neighbors who I used to go trick-or-treating with and whose trampolines I used to jump on. The girl I used to see every weekend at soccer practice became a character in anecdotal stories my parents told their friends—or so I thought. During my junior year I was lucky enough to sit across from that girl. Having not spoken or really seen each other in years, we got the chance to get to know each other all over again. Now she’s the first person I turn to when I need someone to be honest with me or when I need to share what I’m feeling without fear of judgment. From shooting drills to gossip sessions, I’m grateful for the bond that was able to remain intact. As friendships ebb and flow, let this be a reminder it’s never too late to reconnect with the people you care about.
Like many of my peers, not every friendship of mine has been a success story. From squabbles over gymnastics mats in second grade to not being on speaking terms in high school, not all friendships are built to last. And that’s okay. Circling back to the playground analogy, it’s not like you spend all day on the monkey bars. Sometimes you get tired, sometimes you just need a break, and in some cases you get pushed off. Or maybe you’re the one who did the pushing. No matter the case, a change in friends, whether it be a gain or a loss, is something to learn from. You can find your way to healthier and more loyal people, or, alternatively, learn how to better treat others moving forward. At the end of the day, whether we’re swinging from the monkey bars or on another piece of equipment entirely, every friendship offers valuable lessons that shape us into better individuals and friends.
I probably should have focused more on school or something more serious than the playground in this piece. But eventually our grades will cease to matter and we’ll slowly forget about what clubs we did or did not join. To my fellow graduates, it is my hope that what you will remember is how much your friends matter to you. The unexpected ones who were hiding in plain sight, the ones you found your way back to, and even the friends you lost along the way. As we prepare to enter a far more complex jungle gym than high school, the support systems we’ve spent years cultivating don’t have to go anywhere. In fact, it’s those relationships that will endure long after the halls of high school have faded from memory.
