What was the happiest moment in your life?

This was a question one of you asked me a few weeks ago at Senior Night for the boys volleyball team, and I was surprised at how easy it was to answer. You might think the reason it was easy is because I’m more likely to have had a happiest moment having lived longer. But I don’t think happiness depends on chance or fortune. I think it depends on your willingness to notice what you have when you have it.

You may see it as a non-answer, but there hasn’t been one moment that’s been my happiest. Truthfully, I think superlatives are dumb. I don’t have a best friend, but I do have good friends. I don’t have a favorite artist, but I know exactly who would be perfect to listen to based on what I’m feeling in the moment. I don’t have a favorite student despite many of you declaring yourselves to be my favorite. Once someone or something becomes your favorite or best whatever, everything else seems to fall unfairly short. The grass on the other side always ends up greener, and you have more reasons to feel less happy than you could have been. If you don’t believe me, I’ll give you an example of a favorite something I actually have despite my declaration about favorites: my favorite set.

As the year comes to a close, I’m inevitably badgered by students about which is my favorite, and I always tell some lie about not having one, but of course, I do. It’s always the set where I feel most comfortable. Mirzanschall, you fool! You said you didn’t have favorites! No, I said having them was dumb. Not the same! Still, there is a cost that goes with having a favorite set as a teacher. I might not look forward to the other sets as much. I might be less patient with their classroom riff-raff. My instructional tone might be even more unenthusiastic and drab. By having a favorite set, I end up being a worse teacher to all the other sets that weren’t my favorite in my head, and it didn’t have to be that way. There’s been lots to enjoy over the last four years that I could have enjoyed even more if I had appreciated every set for what it was instead of what it wasn’t. Before you think I’m about to tell you to live dispassionate lives with no favorites and no besties, know that I’m not saying that at all—just that everything has a cost, including the perspective you have. There’s a lot out there worth noticing and experiencing regardless of where you are in life.

Happiness has never been easy for me. I am very much in my head, and learning to be more present has been a lifelong process, one that I have to work at every day. I try to notice the people I see, the places I go, and the things I have that move me to feel happy. It doesn’t always work, but I am infinitely happier for trying. 

So what did I say when I was asked what was the happiest moment in my life? 

There hasn’t been one particular moment but a pattern of moments across time that all had something in common: all the times I realized someone I loved, loved me back.

Class of 2025: I’ve loved teaching you these last four years. Thank you for the respect you’ve shown me and all the love you’ve given back.